Saturday, 26 September 2015

If a girl has an abusive boyfriend

By Stela Koleva

To every person reading this who is in an abusive relationship, I have one word for you: Leave.

Abusive relations are not only physically, mentally and socially damaging but they also put your life at risk. Hard to believe, picture this; you come home and your partner punches you in the face because you forgot to turn off the tv. Or, you are minding your own business when your partner verbally insults you because they’ve had a terrible day. Or imagine being locked out of the house because you were a minute late.

Living in an abusive relationship is the same as living with a terrorist. You feel intimidated, threatened and you are always walking on egg shells. One minute you will be laughing together and the next instant they turn into a monster that terrifies you. You are not sure if that night you will sit by the fire together or if you will be left in the cold with silent treatment.

It is soooo confusing. Why would anyone have to put up with that? The world is full of people who are ready to embrace you so throw away that relationship that scars your soul or your face. Do not be too scared to leave.

Just as I mentioned earlier, living with an abuser is just like living with a terrorist so you have to be very careful when you decide to leave the relationship. The best step is to report the abuser to the police. 

Also, always secretly collect evidence of the abuse, it is difficult to collect evidence for emotional abuse but trust your gut to leave. Talk to a trusted friend or loved one about the trouble in your relationship and seek support from a therapist as well.

Bank enough money and resources to support you when you leave the relationship and never ever go back to an abusive relationship, you may not get out alive.

Stand up today and say I will not be abused. Love yourself enough to leave. Be safe.

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About Stela

Stela Koleva is a Bulgarian living in the beautiful city of Prague (Czech Republic), where she moved to 7 years ago. Here she is working as manager of 3 international IT Professional Services teams in Concur – an American SaaS company.

Passionate about leading and developing people and high-performing teams, Stela is mentoring and coaching many of the young leaders in her organization and acting as a VP of Membership for the local Toastmasters club.

Saturday, 19 September 2015

If a girl wants to have sex for the first time

Video by Ruchika Sharma via UN Volunteers

Article written by Diana Huaman

This is all you need to know before and after having sex.

Sex for the first time

“Make sure it is the right person, right place and the right time” is something that I think every woman has to evaluate carefully when deciding to have sex for the first time.

Virginity is something that does not return and losing it means doing it forever so that’s why you don’t have to rush, also to avoid consequences you are not looking for (such as an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease) and start your sex life positively.

No one can pressure you to have sex. It is a decision that you yourself should take and which must be fully convinced. Sex is not going to improve the relationship or help you “win back” your partner. Who really loves you, will NEVER press you (directly or indirectly) to do anything you're not sure.

What Happens During First Time Sex? 

Sexual intercourse between two people starts with both of them getting sexually excited as a result of kissing, stroking, caressing, rubbing and touching each other. This sexual excitement will result in certain physical signs: for girls/women, the vagina begins to moisten. The boy/man will get an erection.

It is important that this stimulation goes on for long enough, because if the girl is not sexually excited enough, then her vagina will not be lubricated and moist enough, and it will be difficult for the boy's penis to enter the girl's vagina (and it will hurt).

If you have got to this point, something you have to remember is that unprotected sex will put your body at risk (diseases, unwanted pregnancy) so protect yourself!

Be confident enough to suggest using a condom and make sure you both know how to use it before you arrive to this situation.

Other thing you have to know is that first-time sex can be painful or hurt sometimes, which is normal, since some girls or young women do bleed a little bit and it usually occurs because the girl has a hymen which breaks the first time she has sexual intercourse.

The hymen is a small piece of thin skin which goes across the opening of the vagina and protects it when she is young. Sometimes a girl might already have broken her hymen without knowing about it (as a result of playing sports, riding a bike or horse riding, etc.) and that’s why they do not bleed.

What Happens after Your First Time Sex? 

Some people say your body changes, and your mood changes but this is not always true. What is true and what is important to know are what care you should take once you have had your first sexual intercourse.

1. You should have your first Pap smear. 

PAP is a screening test for cervical cancer. It looks for abnormal cells on your cervix that could turn into cancer over time. Moreover, PAP also shows the presence of infection or inflammation on your cervix and vagina that you might have as a result of your sexual live. 

That way, problems can be found and treated before they ever turn into cancer. Continue having a Pap smear once a year until you've had at least 3 normal ones.

After this, you should have a Pap smear at least every 3 years, unless your health care provider thinks you need them more often. Keep having Pap smears throughout your life, even after you've gone through menopause.

2.   Get the best hygiene you can

Both, you and your partner must have extra doses of personal hygiene in order to prevent diseases.

3.  Visit a gynecologist. 

Getting pregnant is not the greatest worry; there are loads of sexually transmitted diseases that you can get so visiting a gynecologist will help you to continue a normal sexual live, avoiding all this things. Gynecologist will recommend you the right birth control pills you have to take, the ways to prevent any kind of disease, etc.

These are some useful things that would be worth thinking about if you want to remain sexually active, healthy and continue having sex. And remember to don’t do anything that you don't want to do: If you're not comfortable with something, if you’re not sure, don't do it. 

About Diana Huaman

Diana, 21, from Peru is an International Business student and a teacher too. She would love to travel the world, study translation to learn different languages, start her own company one day and contribute to society through education.

About Ruchika Sharma

"I am an avid public health student and aspire to be a passionate public health practitioner. My aim is to serve the marginalised sections of society and I am a staunch believer of equity in health and of health as a human right. I am open to undertaking challenges in the field of public health My interest areas include: Women empowerment Maternal and Child health Health Economics Epidemiology and Biostatistics."

Saturday, 12 September 2015

If a girl wants to abstain

By Florence Laraiyetan via UN Volunteers

Sex is such a big deal these days. You see sex idolized in media, everywhere you look something is sexualized. It’s like the world is screaming ‘No place for virgins’ and you don’t want your friends to keep giving you that eye when they see you talking to a boy, their eyes screaming to you that ‘it’s time…’ It’s time you joined everyone in the ‘no virginity lane…’ everyone lives there anyway.

What I am here to tell you is that the choice to have sex or not, is truly yours and no one else’s. Just to let you know, you will not look any different or act any different after you have sex, the only thing that would have changed is that you will allow someone else to see the carnal you and that is the most vulnerable moment in life whether you are in a relationship or it’s just a one night stand.

Do you still need convincing? Not having sex until you are ready will save you the stress of birth control pills, worrying about STIs or STDs, worrying about if you are good enough in bed, panicking when you miss your period, thinking whether you should really sleep with every guy you date. Keep your virginity and it’s ok to keep it until you are married.

If someone is forcing you into having sex, think clearly about their intentions. Don’t just do it to get over with it, this is your body and your body is your government, never fall for peer pressure. 

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There is nothing wrong with you. Be safe.

About Florence

Florence formed a group with secondary school girls in 2004. The major focus of the meeting was to make girls appreciate the importance of completing their secondary education without teenage/unwanted pregnancies, with good grades and implications of HIV and AIDS. Also, she was able to help some of the girls with various social and psychological problems as a result of family problems, rape, among others. this was a volunteer work.

She is a Nigerian by nationality and presently, lives in Botswana with her husband who is a Medical Doctor with the Ministry of Health in Botswana. She has three children.

Saturday, 5 September 2015

If a girl cannot fit in

By Sarah Kristine via UN Volunteers

We all want to fit in. It’s a human thing. Society tells us something is wrong with us if we can’t fit in so when we fail to be part of a group, we start to believe that there is something wrong with us.

I am here to tell you this, whether you fit on or not, there is nothing wrong with you. Humans are diverse, with different characters and failure to fit in just means you may not have found the people who share the same values as you and that is okay.

So how do you cope when you can’t fit in? Firstly, don’t feel sorry for yourself. You are not a sad story and even if no one wants to hang out with you, it doesn’t mean you have to make your own company miserable. Secondly, find interesting things you can do on your own so that you can occupy your time with something useful; read a book or practice a hobby.

Don’t be afraid to make a first move. If you are in a new place, don’t be shy to say hello first. Of course there will always be people who are not friendly, but chance is that there will be someone ready to show you around. 

Also, use social network to find people who share your interests but always be careful about sharing private information with strangers. Follow your gut and make your move only if it is wise and potentially safe. Safety first.

If the reason you don’t fit in is because you feel everyone is lower than you or not deserving of your company, then you are actually depriving yourself of a learning experience. Every person has a story and looking down on others shows that you need to improve your own character first before hanging out with other people.

I know you will find your place in the world one day. Be safe.

For more If A Girl videos, click here.


Sarah Kristine, 23, comes from the 7107 islands of Philippines.

She says: I strike people as weird and short fuse in some way because of my angular face. The truth is behind this mollycoddled only child is a compassionate woman who's still figuring it out what does she really want in life.

I'm not as ladylike as Audrey Hepburn but lady enough to gain respect. I am a flawed human being who choose to accept that my imperfections are not a hindrance to turn my visions into reality.