Thursday, 10 April 2014

5 STEPS TO KILL ABUSIVE HABITS


Everyone has a bad habit – some more bad than others – but a bad habit is just that. Bad. 

The most common folk and in most cases even trusted persons have come forth as the people most likely to abuse – sexually, emotionally or physically – vulnerable kin no one would imagine they would dare hurt. 

Abusive habits or bad behavior may seem innocently harmless in the beginning but as the habit grows from continual practice it becomes dangerous. So dangerous that even the nicest of persons – on the outside – could become an abuser.

 
WHO IS AN ABUSER?
An abuser is an individual with a compulsive addiction to: e.g alcohol, smoking, drugs, sex, pornography, violence, harming or vandalism to name just a few.

The thing with Abusive habits is that they may give the abuser a certain temporal relief but that is almost always at the expense of another individual; the victim. 

And even with the so-called ‘relief’ the abuser still needs to return to the bad habit to achieve the desired feeling thus creating an abusive prison or more simply put, a repetitive cycle of more abuse with an increasing amount of victims.

HOW TO STOP A BAD HABIT
1. Acknowledge the bad Habit
Do you admit the bad habit that you have to yourself or are you in denial? The first step to healing from a bad habit is accepting that you have it and acknowledging that you need help. 

The acknowledgement step is mentally preparing you for the actions you have to take to get rid of the bad habit. It is not possible to get rid of a habit if you do not acknowledge its negative effects. However, you can’t just admit you need help and yet do nothing about it.

2. Monitor Your Environment
What fuels the bad habit or what factor around you pushes you to commit to the harmful habit? The sooner you learn the root cause of an abusive problem the closer it is to control or kill the bad habit.

If something around you pushes you to a bad habit, it is best to be rid of it or away from its influence. But more than just alienating yourself from negative influence, it is crucial to seek professional help to help in your journey.

Being an abuser is made easier if there is something or someone to abuse. It is therefore important to sanitize your environment of any enticements.

3. Seek Professional Help
Professional help is effective if you are willing to heed their counsel and take the given steps necessary for full recovery. Most, if not all professionals are supposed to have their session in confidentiality and so this way you do not have to worry about everyone knowing your problem.

If willing to come out of the closet and let someone know of your problems, one can easily join the right help group. Telling a trusted family or friend can take you a step closer to complete healing and will allow someone to be on the lookout for you incase you are tempted to return to the abusive ways.

4. Relapse and Withdrawal are Part of the Process but Not an Excuse
Relapse is a big set-back to most trying to get clean from a bad habit but a relapse is dangerous if one dwells in it. Relapse should not be used as an excuse to keep going back to the abusive habit. 

If you find yourself looking for reasons to relapse, then perhaps you need to rethink the real reason behind the bad habit and talk to your therapist, counselor, help group or trusted one about the desire to relapse.

5. Find an Alternative Healthier Habit
More than just stopping the habit, it is important to fill in that void with a healthier habit that you equally enjoy. If you cannot find something that fulfilled you as much as the negative habit, why not go on a soul-searching journey and see what you find there? No one said that stopping to be an abuser is easy but is something that can be accomplished. 
 

And if you know your abusive habits have had a negative effect on someone’s life, it is best to apologize to the victim. The wounds may be slow to heal but every victim deserves an apology from the one who hurt them. 


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Wednesday, 19 March 2014

10 STEPS TO LIVING A SAFE LIFE

We all want to be safe, whether it means safe in our lover’s arms, a good environment, physical safety or financial stability; safety is the threshold we never want to tip. Even in Psychological Science, Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs places safety as only the second bar needing fulfilment after we’ve satisfied the basic needs of breathing and eating, for example. That should say something!

Safe is a word that is basically defined as being secure, at ease and not in danger. So how do we achieve a safe life in a world terrorized by uncertainty, violence, natural disasters and selfishness among other vices?

1. UNDERSTAND SAFETY
Safety – what a boring word. But in all actuality, its one word that matters most whether we are conscious of it or not. There is a safety we want for our emotions, safety for our finances, families, business, automobiles and the list goes on and on. Safety is important on all levels.
Living a safe life does not mean doing nothing, hiding in a hole and waiting. Well hiding is something and waiting too… What I mean to say is living a safe life does not imply a life without risks, a life without challenges or a quiet serene life.

It is possible to live a safe life wherever you are in the world and until we begin to understand safety not as a duty but as consciousness, the security we can achieve in our lives may continue to evade us.


2.  SET YOUR PRIORITIES
What do you want? What don’t you want? What are you doing to achieve that? Chasing a chicken and a duck at the same time will not get you either and in the end you’ll be hungry. Focus your energy on one certain goal, have back up if need be and a rebound in case things don’t go as planned. The rebound in most cases is the safety net that keeps you from hitting rock bottom.


3.  FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS
Always wear your seatbelt! Do not leave your bag unattended! Do not live your children alone in the car! Do not drink and drive! Keep out of reach! All these are some examples of instructions. Life has so many rules that we bend, break or ignore completely. But to live a safe life, there are some rules you should never compromise – the rules that if not followed, put your life and that of others in danger.


4.  GET INVOLVED
A safe world will not be created if you cower and hide. Get up and make a difference. No one will do it for you.

If you are in need of financial safety, work hard – legally. Taking an illegal route eliminates your chances of being safe almost immediately. If what you seek is comfort and stability in a relationship, understand your partner, fulfill his or her need, seek counselling if things aren’t working out. Don’t stick to abusive relationships, an abuser is never a safe person to be with. If you want to be safe from accidents, see step 3^. If your mind haunts you or you are suffering from trauma, seek a therapist who will understand your needs and work towards healing et cetera.

If a safer world is what you seek, work in security, join the army, help other people or help an organization grow. Not sure where to start, why not try being involved with Taking It Global?


5.  TRUST YOUR GUT
Yes, that’s the inner voice in your head or the tumbling feel in your stomach as the case might be for others. It is better safe than sorry. It is always important to forgo the regret if we have to live a safe life. Regret has negative effects on the mental health and heart health as well so for your inner safety, it’s best to listen to your gut – the first time.


6.  HELP YOU FIRST
It may sound selfish at first but if you have to help someone else, you may have to be in a better state than they in the first place. This statement can be excused in moments of emergency where another has more chances of surviving. But always remember, do for others as you would like to be done for you.


7.  BE ALERT
Stay alert. Stay alert. Stay alert. This way you won’t miss the signs when you see something is going wrong. Sometimes awareness allows the feeling that something is going wrong but we ignore it and take the chance e.g your friend has been drinking heavily, you can’t drive so you still go in the car with him. The choice is irresponsible for your safety. To be safe, it is important to be alert and think quickly in any situation.
Remember, Safety is not a duty but a consciousness.


8.  LEARN TO SAY NO
If you don’t want to do something, say No! FIRMLY. There is no reason to jeopardize your emotional safety – in terms of anxiety, financial safety in other cases or physical safety if you can. If someone does not take no for an answer. Retreat slowly, run away if necessary. In terms of physical safety, apply self-defense tactics when necessary and don’t be afraid to scream.

If someone has the power to hurt you and you know they’d use that power, do not give your approval by saying Yes.


9.  STAY CALM
Unexpected things in life happen and just when we least expect them, that’s what makes them unexpected right? It is hard to prepare for something that you didn’t plan – like the dancing economy, a brawl fight, an accident, a rude person, death, a tsunami or leaving your bag with important documents somewhere you don’t remember – don’t we all hate that!

Unexpected things happen but how we react to them can and sometimes does make the situation worse. When something bad happens, in all instances do one thing and one thing only – Stay Calm.
Never panic! It makes your thinking irrational and in an emergency, you need to think rationally if you are to save anyone at all. So those Keep Calm posters do say something after all.


10.  MAKE SAFETY A HABIT
We all want good things to happen to us and for those we love, but we ought to remember that some things ought to be worked for. For example, your doctor has warned you about your smoking, you don’t want to die of Cancer and yet you keep smoking because it’s easier to. Or always driving without a seat belt because you can. Or skipping on your medication if you are not doing an overdose. Neglecting your health and the examples are endless. Safety has to be employed in our lives – by us, for us.


Mere wishes cannot eradicate an existing threat! We have to work towards safety and make it habit in order for it to become a reality for us, our loved ones and our planet.


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Monday, 10 March 2014

5 STEPS BEFORE YOU MAKE A DECISION

We make decisions every day, from what time we set our alarm clock, to what who we want our friends to be. Some decisions are meager and do not affect our lives but other decisions are life-altering even if we did not think they'd be when we made them. The following are 5 steps you need to take into account before making any decision.



1. WHY :  Your Goal Is to

What is causing you to do that action, Is it a priority, Are you under pressure, Are you making the decision due to intense emotions, Had you decided to do it before or thought about it before hand or is it on impulse? Does it feel right? Do you have a choice?


2. WHO : Does It Involve Others

When you've made your decision, have you considered the people around you. Should you consider them? Is the decision you are making for the greater good of both you and the people around you? Is the decision based on those people? What will their reaction be when the decision is acted upon? Are you ready to be responsible for the outcome of your actions? Do you need to ask for advice?


3. WHERE : Will It Affect The Environment

When you've made your decision, does it affect the environment in anyway? If so, how are you going is this effect positive? Does it make society better? Are you the one who is going to see the outcome of that action?


4. WHEN : Is It in Step For A Higher Goal

Is there an outcome that you are routing for? What happens if things do not happen as planned? Is there much to be lost? Will the result affect you alone? Is it worth the risk?


5. WHAT : IF's, AND's or MAYBE's.

What happens if it doesn't work? Do you have a back up plan? Does it matter? Who makes the decisions in your life?




You may also like to read:

4 WAYS TO MAKE DECISIONS

THE FIVE STEP DECISION MAKING PROCESS

WHY POOR PEOPLE SEEM TO MAKE BAD DECISIONS

THE SCIENCE BEHIND BAD DECISIONS